Baby Jaanu’s Birthday!

Here is my baby’s birth story! Sorry, it’s so long…

Background:
I was high risk from the start because of hypertension before pregnancy. Mid pregnancy I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I was on meds for both, but the numbers remained controlled till the end. Still, they made the doctors nervous and they wanted to induce at 39 weeks. I refused to be induced till my due date. This was an ongoing battle with my care providers.

Also, I took an at home study course for Hypnobabies. I planned on an “as natural as possible” childbirth. I knew I had some issues that could require interventions, and that’s where the “as possible” entered. I practiced Hynobabies often. However, I wasn’t as diligent as I should have been. I believed in its efficacy, but I never expected a pain free birth. I hoped for the promised, “easy and comfortable childbirth.” Apparently, a quick entry was also in my baby’s plans…

The night before:
I couldn’t sleep. My lower back and hips hurt slightly, but what REALLY hurt was my BUTT! I kept going to the bathroom hoping that pooping would relieve pain. Nope. I didn’t sleep at all. In hindsight, I was in early labor.

The morning:
Sunday, July 13th. 38w4d. I wasn’t due for another week and a half and the husband and I had plans. We were going to finish setting up the baby’s nursery, meet with our landlord, and go up to Alamogordo to meet with our doulas. It was going to be a busy but uneventful Sunday.

Right….

I woke up to my bloody show. I thought, I have at least a couple of days. Wednesday maybe? The husband says as long as he can go to work on Monday, he’d be happy. I felt crampy and started to track the cramps. I realized that while some of the pressure waves (the term for contractions in Hypnobabies) were 12 minutes apart, some came as short as 6 minutes apart. I was in early labor!

I notified my doula and told my Husband, we were still thinking Monday, hopefully later in the day. Our landlord stopped by, and while we were talking, I took note that my pressure waves were coming stronger and possibly closer together. Whatever. I still had a long way to go. After all, none of it hurt. And it’s only been like a few hours!

Sure…

As my landlord was leaving, around 10:30, a pressure wave hit and I went to to the kitchen to finger drop it off (a hypnosis technique to ride through a pressure wave). As soon as I leaned against the counter, I felt a pop and a gush of water. I felt gross, like I peed myself before it hit me… Did my water break? I calmly call out to the husband, “uh, I think my water broke.” He came in and I told him maybe not, because it wasn’t clear like I thought it was supposed to be. but it wasn’t yellow like pee, and it didn’t have a smell. Called my doula, and she said to take a shower, where I realized that my “water” was green. Not only did my water definitively break, but my baby pooped meconium in the amniotic sac. :::Sigh:::

I was in active labor! I was having a baby at least late that night or by next morning!

We started timing my pressure waves, and this time the husband did it so I could continue doing the finger drop technique. During this time, I felt the pressure waves, but there was no pain. Just intense pressure, ebbing and flowing. I felt like they were maybe 5 minutes apart. Not more than a minute long. Well, husband confirms that they are about 50 seconds long, but they were coming at every 3 minutes or less! I decided it was time to go to the hospital. We notified the hospital and my doula, and headed over to the hospital. We got there around 12:30.

Hospital:
After we had been processed through triage and put into my room, it was chaotic. The staff was setting everything up, and people were coming in and out. The midwife and nurses asked me a lot of questions. I have no idea when my doula came in. I was distracted by the pressure waves and the flurry of questions. MY BP was really high. I think as high as 150s/100s, which made the medical staff freak out. They kept reminding me that I was high risk. That raised my blood pressure even more. It was like they were preparing me for the worst. The midwife was nice enough, but, as the husband put it,  she was “mission oriented”, and perpetuated a negative attitude. By the end of their “stuff”, they checked me and I was 5 cm dilated, about 80% (or more) effaced. Finally, they left around 1:30, periodically checking on me.

Thankfully I had my team. My doulas and my husband made an exceptional support crew. They helped me labor through all my pressure waves. I got massages, encouraging words, and lots of love. I felt like a celebrity!

My pressure waves kept coming, eventually stronger and stronger. The Hypnobabies CDs were playing in the background, and they helped center me. As labor progressed, I realized I didn’t like being still. I kept moving from the bed to sitting on the ball to sitting on the toilet. Sometimes I laid on my right side, sometimes my left. I was getting more and more uncomfortable. Thankfully, I also had a wonderful nurse. She was totally supportive of my desire to birth naturally, and as long as everything was going okay, she was letting us be. She asked me if I wanted the internal monitor for the baby, but I declined.

At some point, the pressure waves became… not exactly painful, but pain is the closest terminology I can find. I got to the point where I could barely “keep it together.” I remember vaguely saying, “I don’t know if I can do this.” I couldn’t keep still. My Doula kept reminding me not to tense up, but when those peaks hit, I didn’t know how NOT to tense up. I did remember the hypnosis mantra, “deeper and deeper”, and kept using that, and I think it helped.

(Fair warning… my memory from here on out is fuzzy… I was focused on birthing my beautiful baby.)

The medical staff really needed to keep the baby on the monitor, but it was having a hard time picking up baby’s heartbeat externally, and I was moving way too much. So they again recommended the internal monitor and this time I agreed. They had to check me again, and I was 7 cm dilated. This was sometime after 4:30 PM. I was officially in transformation (transition in Hypnobabies language). The husband went to grab dinner quickly.

I thought at this point I had a few more hours, then an hour or 2 of pushing. So maybe another 4 or 5 hours? Nope, by the time the husband came back (which he claims was exactly 37 minutes), I had gone from 7 to 8 to being fully dilated. That was around 5:10 PM. Then the baby’s heart rate started dropping.

The action around me got crazy again, with me ready to push and baby’s heart rate dropping. So I tried a couple of pushes. They weren’t nearly strong enough. My midwife said that if I didn’t push this baby out right now, the OB was going to come in and want to do a c-section. That scared me. My doula counted to 10 and I gave one big push. The midwife was surprised, the baby had come all the way down. It didn’t hurt at all, and I was ready to push again. And another countdown with one more push. I felt pressure and heard a pop and felt slime slither out of me. Then a baby whimpering. She was out, head and body all in one push! I had my baby girl!

Baby Jaanu was born July 13th, 2014 at 5:21 PM. She was 5 lbs. 9.8 oz., 17 3/4 inches long. Total labor time, maybe 13/14 hours? Active labor… less than 7. Pushing… 10 minutes.

Just in case you are curious and made it this far…Stage 3 and first meet:
I am not sure of the exact reason, probably because of the multiple complications, they didn’t immediately give my baby to me for skin to skin, and she was whisked off to the warmer. It was the only wish that didn’t go according to my “plan”.

I was in a haze, exhausted, and felt like I was having an outer body experience. I bled quite a bit, and my placenta hadn’t delivered. So the painful stomach compressions came, and eventually I got Pictocin to help stop the bleeding and the placenta deliver. Eventually, it came out with a soft plop, and the bleeding slowed. I had 2nd degree tears that the midwife had to sew up. I could barely do that, my legs were stiff and refused to relax. I kept trying to see my daughter, and I could hear her whimpering and my husband talking to her.

According to the husband, she was fine. They dried her off and did her checks (I still don’t know what her Apgar scores were). Her sugar levels were good, but her temp was low and they kept her under the warmer. They gave her all the shots and eye ointment. She took them like a champ. Finally, she was ready, as was I. They gave her to me. She was this tiny person, finding her cozy spot. It took both my doulas and me to get my breast to maneuver into her little cupid bow mouth, but she latched and we were united. ❤

She is now two weeks old. Happy 2nd week birthday Baby Jaanu!

 

A few minutes after she was born

 

This morning at 2 weeks

 

Stream of Consicousness

I haven’t posted in… well, at this point I can’t even remember how long. I meant to write this post awhile back, but I lost track. I haven’t posted since my review of The Undead Pool. I don’t think I have ever taken such a long break from blogging, book review, and Goodreads. I even took a break from reading. (I read only a handful books, didn’t review them, reread the Dresden file series, and the new book Skin Game… okay I get that for most people that’s still a lot, but not for me!)

First a lot of things have been going on. I got diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes this pregnancy and it made my life HARD. More emotional than physical difficulty. I lost 30 lbs just by eating what I want and now I can’t do that? But in the past few months I have gotten used to it. It also has kept my weight gain down, to a total gain of only 10 lbs (and I’m at 36 weeks!).

Of course, now being in the last month of pregnancy, I am anxious about the prospect of having a baby and becoming a mother. I am anxious about how it will change my relationship with the husband. Plus all the preparations of having a baby! We have to put her furniture together, put the nursery together, wash her clothes, etc.

Physically, I am tired a lot more. I take usually one nap a day, sometimes two. It’s one thing to just zone out and read. But writing reviews take a lot more energy than I have now.

Mostly, my anxiety about how our future is going to look is holding me back from writing. I have to get a job to pay my student loan bills. Baby will take up most of my time. So, how will I have time to write? I don’t know. I am feeling unmotivated and stuck. I am questioning myself. Is all this writing stuff just temporary thought? Am I fickle? So many questions, not enough answers.

Over the next couple of weeks, I will try to write (brief) reviews for the NetGalley and Edelweiss books that I read and are on backlog. (As long as baby doesn’t come too early!). A lot of fantasy books, some in other categories. I am taking a lot less responsibility as far as “book reviews” go (maybe 4 a month), and will try to go back to just writing for pleasure. Taking away the obligation might make it easier to just write for fun.

Sorry for this stream of consciousness post. I wanted to catch you guys up, but not sure how to frame what I wanted to say. So here it is–straight out of my head to the blog.

 

Why aren’t you posting?

The world might be vicious and treacherous and deadly, but it couldn’t kill laughter. Laughter, like love, has power to survive the worst things life has to offer. And to do it with style. 

Blood Rites By Jim Butcher

I’m a slacker. I know. Not only have I not been posting, but I have not been reading. I barely have the energy to pick up books and read a page. But there are reasons for my absence. Here is why:

1) I FINALLY FINISHED MY THESIS! I turned it in and defended it! Last Thursday! My whole body feels the lightening of the stress. It was as if I had weights dangling off of me, and they turned into birds and flew away. I’M DONE!!

2) My adviser and I had a talk. I decided NOT to continue on with comprehensive exams and dissertation. Meaning, No Dr. Kwon. It was a hard and easy decision at the same time. Hard because I felt like a quitter. By not finishing it, was I saying, “I know I’m not smart enough, so I quit.” Am I failure? But my adviser told me “You are brilliant, but I don’t think you want to do this.” And he was right. I was not motivated to finish. Research was NOT a direction I wanted to go. And hearing someone who is 10 times smarter than me say that I’m smart was a huge ego boost. In the end I realized, I wasn’t quitting, but I was starting something new.

3) Travels, visits, holidays. This is just a busy time of year. Just went to Chicago, sister coming for thanksgiving, and in a few weeks going home for the holidays. There is no break. It’s cleaning, packing, unpacking, cleaning, and the circle goes on.

4) I got off my depression meds. Completely. Bye bye Welbutrin XL! I went cold turkey, too. It has been nearly two weeks, so far I am still sane. No breakdowns, no tears, and no suicidal thoughts. Life is good! I have had no negative triggers lately, so there has been no tests. We’ll see what happens when I run into negative triggers.

5) The husband and I decided we needed more space. We are moving sometime in April of next year. So we are sorting through stuff, getting rid of things, etc. etc. He has been doing most of the work. He’s such a trooper. ❤

There is one major life change I have not mentioned yet. However, it will take a long post just to talk about this one item, so I’ll post about that later. As if finishing your master’s, getting off of depression meds and moving isn’t enough of a life change 😛

As for plans, I hope over the next few weeks I can settle down and read more and review more. I have huge backlog for NetGalley and Edelweiss. They will be a priority for reviews, so my regular reads may or may not get reviews. Sorry for that! But I hope to get back to my creative writing, also.

For a long time, life froze me from moving forward. I was stuck. Now after all that hard work and a few laughs later–I’m finally moving to Act 2!

 

Did Not Complete My List

“Go shawty, it’s your birthday
We gonna party like it’s your birthday
We gon’ sip Bacardi like it’s your birthday
And you know we don’t give a ****, it’s not your birthday”

“In Da Club” by 50 cent

So my list of things to do before 30, remained the way it was. 12 items incomplete. However, I will make my 40 before 40 list soon, and maybe I’ll do a better job about that! Just in case you missed it, today is my 30th birthday. Wooooooh! I feel old. Especially because I see kids 12 years younger than me go to college.

But I plan on embracing my old age. No need to worry about dressing trashy to go to a club, getting drunk, or worry about having kids too early. I can sleep early, drink juice, and plan on having 2-4 kids. Live is amazeballs! I mean, life is good.

 

Bipolar Days

“‘Cause you’re hot then you’re cold
You’re yes then you’re no
You’re in then you’re out
You’re up then you’re down
You’re wrong when it’s right
It’s black and it’s white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up”

“Hot N Cold” by Katy Perry

Those lyrics epitomize how I’ve been feeling lately. One moment I’m excited about being done with the thesis, the next stressing out about it. One moment I’m nervous on getting the house clean for the husband’s homecoming, and the next picking out a cute homecoming dress.

All these mood swings have kept me busy along with the real things that have kept me busy. So I’m behind on my reviews. Tomorrow I’ll write up my review for Biting Bad, and then my review for the ARC of Heart of Venom.

Hopefully, I’ll have a chance to read City of Bones before my husband comes home so that I can drag him to the movie theatres to go watch it. Don’t worry husband, I won’t force you to watch it if it is filled with teen angst (well, too much teen angst). And I probably won’t review it as the book as been out for awhile. But if I get a chance to go see the movie, maybe I’ll do a compare and contrast? We’ll see.

I still have to review a few more ARCs, and of course prepare for my thesis presentation, my trip to LA, and my trip home. A lot to do! Expect me to be dead when I finally reach the beach around the end of Sept. Or at least behaving like the dead and sleeping on the beach. At least the mood swings will be over with!