But nothing in life was set in stone and nothing in life is promised us. Not happiness, not joy, not love. Everything was variable and mutable and inconstant.
Death’s Rival by Faith Hunter
Right after I got engaged (end of 2007), I made a list of things I wanted to do before 30. I found a draft of the list on my computer the other day. So I present to you an updated version. I have less than 2 months to finish the list! Let’s see how far I got:
1. Marry the love of your life–When I made this list, this was my number one priority. Because of my husband and our struggles with love and family, I had this fear we would never make it. I wasn’t sure if marrying him was the right decision. Thankfully, it was the best decision I ever made.
Completed: 4/4/2009 or 5/24/2009
2. Help a complete stranger for no other reason than to commit a random act of kindness–I can’t think of a specific incident. So I hope I have done this. Now I feel like if I do it, it won’t be random because it will be to complete this list 😛 So I’ll consider it completed.
Completed: At some point.
3. Develop and routine a self-care routine–I have a routine for self care, but it is not routine, as in regular, yet. My goal is to do it for a straight 2 weeks, and then I will count it completed.
4. Step out of your comfort zone–I have always taken chances. But stepping out of my real comfort zone was going from a regular civilian to becoming an Army Wife (still a civilian, but you know what I mean). It had moved me to Texas, a state I probably wouldn’t have considered otherwise. I have gone from a staunch democrat to a staunch democrat who can see other people viewpoints (Let’s not expect miracles). And, I learned to deal with my husband being gone all the time. Believe me, this was definitely me jumping out of my comfort zone.
5. Choose a signature haircut, lip shade and/or perfume–Victoria’s Secret Amber Romance. It is awesome. Not sure when I got it, pretty sure it was around wedding time
Completed: Early 2009
6. Love and accept your body–Ongoing process. I remember the day I realized I was hot. It was right after I got pictures from my first boudoir shoot when the husband was deployed last time. I looked like a model for sexy lingerie. In fact, I looked better than some real life plus size models. I was impressed. The husband even more so 😉
Completed: November, 2010
8. Scream out loud, restrained, to let out some steam–I always had trouble with expressing anger. It almost always turned into some form of depression. I have yelled in frustration after a lot of anger being held in. But I never screamed, unrestrained. Screaming into a pillow or into the open sky, I want to do that.
9. Stop slouching–I stand up straighter than I used to, but it’s not perfect. I will consider this incomplete.
10. Create a wardrobe you can be proud of–I think I always knew how to dress better. But when I was under my parent’s thumb, I could never dress as I wanted. Clothes were always expensive, and plus size clothes used to be ugly. However, clothes have vastly improved, I have money now, and I dress how I want. Slowly collecting clothes over time, I found ways to look sexy, pulled together, and cute all at the same time. I think I have a pretty good collection of clothes, shoes, purses, and accessories.
Completed: Sometime within the last year
11. Know your correct bra size–I used to think I was 44 DDD…. Around my 26th birthday I went to my first bra store that sold extended sizes, and got measured at 38K (38H UK). I looked less sloppy and skinnier. I loved my new look. Plus, now all my bras are REALLY pretty.
Completed: September, 2009
12. Get back to my favorite hobby: reading–As you all know, I came back to this full force. School, life, depression distracted me from my loves. But when the 7th Harry Potter book came out, I realized I wanted to go back to reading more and regularly. It took me awhile, but in 2010, I went back to reading full fledged. I think in 2011, I read 350 books. Last year was only 155, but you know, now I reread a lot. So I still get about 350 books read every year 😉
Completed: Every day for the rest of my life!
13. Take risks at work or have at least one career change–Well I am at the cusp of that. I am finishing my thesis, will find a new job, and then outside of family and work, will concentrate on my writing career. This is my dream right now; my goal. I want this to happen. I want to be able to write 3 books a year, and get as many things published. I am putting this under complete. The decision is already made, and steps are being taken for it to come true.
Completed: Some time in 2012
14. Bake a cake from scratch that is edible and aesthetically pleasing–I am a pretty decent cook. Everyone says so. The husband is eager to come back home so he can finally eat my cooking. But I am not a very good baker. I burn things in the oven, get the ingredients wrong, and I am terrible at decorating. But maybe I’ll try something for the husband’s homecoming.
15. Cook a four course meal that is also aesthetically pleasing–again, I’m a good cook. But I can never make it look presentable, like for guests. Garnishing and saucing are some of the skills I I need to work on. Again, maybe this is something I can work on when my husband gets home.
16. Bungee Jump or sky dive–I have been wanting to this FOREVER! But I am always afraid with being obese that I would hurt myself. LOL I doubt it’ll happen before my birthday, but there it is.
17. Help a friend find love–Epic fail on this one. Playing matchmaker is never really a good thing, but I really hoped to at least meet someone and go to a friend and say “OMG, I met someone for you!”
18. Visit all continents (Antarctica is excused)–This was really in a lifetime, but even then I only got Europe, Asia, and of course N. America. No Australia or South America.
19. Deal with your issues–Funny thing is, when I originally made this list, I had no idea I had depression. I would have found myself to be mentally stable. But since then, I discovered a lot of my issues that was holding me back. I admitted I had depression and anxiety. I finally relented a few years ago and starting take medication. My life was saved. So I more than dealt with my issues.
Completed: July 2010 (the month I started taking Welbutrin)
20. Learn to feel pride in your work–I am not there yet. I may not hate myself all the time, but I still struggle with looking at my work and feeling pride. I still see everything that is wrong. Frustrating, but maybe with the thesis defended in August, I will get past this.
22. Get something published–This was originally in reference to a respected professional I/O psychology journal. Now, it’s related to me publishing out in the real world. Since I upkeep a blog and write regular reviews, I will consider this done. I know, I’m really stretching this one.
Completed: May 15, 2012 (The day I started this blog)
23. Become self-aware–This kind of goes hand in hand with number 19, but in this case I mean realizing my strengths and weaknesses. Being aware of my sexuality and what I like. Being aware of what kinds of pain I can or cannot tolerate. I think I became more self-aware when I moved to Central Texas.
Completed: Sometime in 2011
24. Own a flattering suit or blazer–I need to get one, especially since I’m defending soon.
25. Develop positive relationships with good people–When I made this list, I was starting to realize that I may not surround myself with positive people. People who would enrich my life. I didn’t know how bad it was until later, but it was there. Now, I refuse to surround myself with poisonous people. I have had even loved ones judge me for it, but I stand my ground. If you are poisonous to me, I don’t want you in my life.
Completed: End of 2009/Beginning of 2010
29. Swim in an ocean–I haven’t swum in the ocean in so long… It’s hard, and you can’t get far, but it’s doable. Don’t think this will get done either.
30. Make yourself a 40 things to do before 40 list–Cause you know, at least this way I’d have 10 years to finish the list!