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31.6 later…

07 Jan

“Life has moments hard to describe 
Feeling great and feeling alive 
Never coming down from this 
Mountain we’re on, 
Always knowing we’re gonna be fine 
Feeling great and feeling alive 
Never coming down from this 
Mountain we’re on…”

“On the Ride” by Aly & AJ

We’re gonna be fine….

It’s gotten to the point where I’m finally noticing changes in my body. I look a little bit smaller in pictures, my clothes fit differently, and the most important, my boobs are smaller! I know that sounds funny, like “how can a person be excited about losing bra sizes?” Well for those with massive breasts can agree, it’s GREAT. I may go buy new bras soon, or I may wait a bit more. We’ll see.

The question has been coming up, “how are you doing it?”. Well it has been a lifetime battle. So many diets, so many insults, tears. :::Shudders::: So what has worked?

I. STOPPED. CARING.

Really. I stopped worrying about calories on my plate, stopped counting, stopped giving a shit about what people think when they look at me. I stopped trying to be attractive according to others’ standards, stopped worrying about not eating certain things. I stopped caring about “I have to finish my plate because there are starving kids around the world” and I stopped caring about the bitches that say “oh should you eat that?”.

Stopping caring led to other things. I started listening to my body. I’m not hungry. I don’t eat. I don’t care if I paid for a whole meal, or if I’m at a buffet. I eat when I’m hungry.

It led to eating what I want. I want chocolate, I eat it. When I want. Where I want. How I want. But that also meant, I stopped wanting greasy food. I realized I never could stomach overly greasy foods in big amounts. It makes me sick. So why do I eat it? I don’t. I started realizing, wow I’m craving a salad. Like really. Not so much lettuce, but peppers and onions. I love red onions.

It led to loving what I am now. I care about myself for no other reason that I matter to ME. This is probably hardest for me still (ironically, the one I worked on the most). I like what I see, as long as I don’t let other people’s opinions bother me. I have to make a conscious effort to ignore those opinions. But, I try to do things, be things, that make me happy. If it makes me unhappy, I try to do otherwise. It seems selfish, but when it makes me happy to give money to the homeless person, or to be courteous enough to let a person cut in line, well then…

I’m eating fewer calories and burning more. Bare tacks, that is what a diet is supposed to be. The problem is, we focus on the weight and details without focusing on what the problem is behind it all.

Soooooo…. how did I lose 31.6 lbs? I think I have only part of the answer. But the rest? Well, life has moments hard to describe… Feeling great and alive, and we’re never coming down from this!

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Posted by on January 7, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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