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A Library Full of Issues

21 Oct

Some people say I have issues. I say those people need to expand their horizons, because I don’t have issues, I have the Library of Congress.

Blackout by Mira Grant

I finished the Newsflesh trilogy this weekend, but I don’t feel like writing a full review.  If you want to know my opinions, just ask. Overall, it was okay, but not as good as I expect from Seanan McGuire.  Moving on . . .

The past few weeks have been a struggle for me. Not exactly sure why, although there are a lot of things feeding into each other.  I’m not sleeping, I’m stressed, and I am mentally and emotionally tired.

But the overarching feeling is one I have been exploring since I started therapy: the idea and feeling like I am a failure. The best example I have is the thesis.

There is always the thesis that gives me piles and piles of anxiety.  I hate it.  I look at it and want to vomit. And when I’m feeling all kinds of mind fuzzy, I can’t get myself to move past the place I am at. I can’t write, I can’t think. I can just fade through life. I hate that.  I can’t even read. Watch TV, but that’s because I don’t have to pay attention.

Focus and attention. Exhaustion. Feeling worthless.  Anxiety. All of it.  So I haven’t been suicidal in two and a half years.  It still seems like a have issues.  A library full of issues.

(And if this post is all kinds of hazy to you–imagine how I felt writing it.)

 

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Posted by on October 21, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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